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| From the zoo...unfortunately, I can't remember which zoo... |
Well, no. It
was maybe around 4:30, when I woke up and I knew I wasn't going back to sleep
even though I had already been awake at least five times throughout the night. We won’t talk about the last several nights
in a row where sleep has eluded me.
Ever notice
how you don’t think too much about the thoughtless things that people do until you
start feeling sorry for yourself? You
know how that works? Every offense for
all of your life floods into your mind.
Or is that just me?
By the way my
Committed Thoughts blog is fixed in case you hadn't noticed…but these are my uncommitted
thoughts for my first post in two years.
On my way to
work, I stopped at McD’s and buried my self-pity in a fast food breakfast and
chocolate chip cookies. It makes me feel
momentarily better, which is a good thing since my attitude this morning has
been anything but pleasant.
So I complain,
though I know I do not have the right to complain, as blessed as my life is. But the thoughts keep flying in, like darts
in a bar room tournament…about the prayers I don't see answered, about my
husband turning on his loud music right in the middle of my sentence as I’m
answering the question he asked; about my daughter seeing my text messages, but
ignoring them. Or maybe I'll just feel
sorry for myself because I have a potentially serious health issue, and I seem
to be the only one who remembers it (which kind of makes sense that I would
remember it).
In this mood,
I even feel ignored by God. I mean
personally ignored…because He is indescribably good to mankind (and yes, to me),
but I want my own personal, much deeper relationship with Him. He seems to be hiding. I want to know His voice like the Bible says His
children will know…I have a lot of questions; I have too few answers…clear-cut answers.
Some days I revel
in God's goodness, some days I wallow in self-pity. Today has started out as a
wallowing kind of day. I need to get my
revel on.
Now to
slingshot into a completely different vein (as I wonder if I’ve just used the
proper spelling of “vein”):
One reason I
don't have a political blog, although I'm very interested in politics, is
because I know I'm right and have little patience for lies and those who refuse
to believe anything but lies. Lunacy. Maybe I don’t have the tolerance it
demands. I feel the need to make a rebel
stand…and speaking up for conservative values is being a rebel these days.
Maybe I’ll
make this blog a political blog. What do
you think? Does the world need one more
politically conservative voice tossed into the abyss that is the internet?
Why not make this blog a little of everything with what you choose to write when you choose to write. Politics, faith, despair, self pity, whatever may be on your heart or mind. I think sometimes us who believe should really let our hair down so to speak and let people know that we are going through tough times, including wondering where God is in the midst of things, etc. I think we need to make ourselves more vulnerable than we let ourselves to be so that others can see we struggle just like them but we have our faith in God that sustains us at the end of the day or week or month of hard times and that he is always faithful no matter what. We are going to a church now that is like that, vulnerable in what the pastors talk about. They tell of their past flaws, including divorce, trouble with finances, etc., and it is easier to relate to them than say someone who presents their lives as always "perfect." What I'm trying to say is, write whatever you feel in your heart to write. I intend to do the same on my blog (back at writing on it as of this week).
ReplyDeleteI hope the day gets better. Remember who you are in God's eyes. Remember you are worth dying for.
Sometimes when we think God is far away from us, he is closer than we think. Sometimes we just need to be still and to wait for him to talk and not cloud our thoughts with the worries of life, etc.
Why is it that husbands sometimes seem like they aren't listening to us???
take care of yourself!
betty
Hello! I was so pleased to see your post. Of course, I'd like to say something original, but Betty's expressed my own sentiments more perfectly than I might.
ReplyDeleteAfter our move last month I felt overwhelmed ...but euphoric Then come days like yesterday I wallowed. And wallowed some more. It's a process.
I've not especially gifted to express my political beliefs, but it sounds as if you and I share the same side of the aisle! Are you familiar with Terri's blog, "Your Friend from Florida"? She, too, is a conservative; unafraid to say so.
Have a great day, m'friend, and don't forget: Vulnerable is good!
Betty took all of our words.
ReplyDeletePraying for you.