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| From the zoo...unfortunately, I can't remember which zoo... |
Well, no. It
was maybe around 4:30, when I woke up and I knew I wasn't going back to sleep
even though I had already been awake at least five times throughout the night. We won’t talk about the last several nights
in a row where sleep has eluded me.
Ever notice
how you don’t think too much about the thoughtless things that people do until you
start feeling sorry for yourself? You
know how that works? Every offense for
all of your life floods into your mind.
Or is that just me?
By the way my
Committed Thoughts blog is fixed in case you hadn't noticed…but these are my uncommitted
thoughts for my first post in two years.
On my way to
work, I stopped at McD’s and buried my self-pity in a fast food breakfast and
chocolate chip cookies. It makes me feel
momentarily better, which is a good thing since my attitude this morning has
been anything but pleasant.
So I complain,
though I know I do not have the right to complain, as blessed as my life is. But the thoughts keep flying in, like darts
in a bar room tournament…about the prayers I don't see answered, about my
husband turning on his loud music right in the middle of my sentence as I’m
answering the question he asked; about my daughter seeing my text messages, but
ignoring them. Or maybe I'll just feel
sorry for myself because I have a potentially serious health issue, and I seem
to be the only one who remembers it (which kind of makes sense that I would
remember it).
In this mood,
I even feel ignored by God. I mean
personally ignored…because He is indescribably good to mankind (and yes, to me),
but I want my own personal, much deeper relationship with Him. He seems to be hiding. I want to know His voice like the Bible says His
children will know…I have a lot of questions; I have too few answers…clear-cut answers.
Some days I revel
in God's goodness, some days I wallow in self-pity. Today has started out as a
wallowing kind of day. I need to get my
revel on.
Now to
slingshot into a completely different vein (as I wonder if I’ve just used the
proper spelling of “vein”):
One reason I
don't have a political blog, although I'm very interested in politics, is
because I know I'm right and have little patience for lies and those who refuse
to believe anything but lies. Lunacy. Maybe I don’t have the tolerance it
demands. I feel the need to make a rebel
stand…and speaking up for conservative values is being a rebel these days.
Maybe I’ll
make this blog a political blog. What do
you think? Does the world need one more
politically conservative voice tossed into the abyss that is the internet?
