I first married when I was barely 19, to a 29 year old man who showed signs early in the relationship of being dangerously jealous and controlling. I had lived a very sheltered life, but I should have known better; I should have heeded the warnings of my parents, friends, and my own instinct. Unfortunately, I was rebellious. Back then, “domestic violence” wasn’t even a coined term that I know of, but it did occur, which I found out first hand.
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I’d like to say that I learned my lesson quickly, but I actually went back into that three times before I left the fourth and final time. Some have it far worse than I did. I had a place to go. He didn’t kill me, he didn't burn houses down; instead, he left town. I am certain the prayers of others had a lot do do with my safety. I’ve had a good life since that bad choice, and he is a pitiful old man today.
People will sympathize with a victim of domestic violence…the first time. After the second or third time of walking back into it, friends and relatives lose their patience with repeated dangerous and stupid choices. If there are kids involved, you can add anger to the equation, because the mother chose the abuser over the safety of the children. Even if the man doesn’t have a history of hitting the kids, it takes a heavy toll on the young ones when they see and hear it happen to their mother. And just because he hasn't before, doesn't mean he won't ever hit your children.
If you are out of an abusive situation and you are considering getting involved with your abuser again, you will find that I am telling you the truth. His promises of it never happening again will be broken, no matter how much he means it when he vows to change and pledges his love for you. It’s not love, it is all about control, and when you realize that he’s not really what you want and you try to get rid of him, it will be worse than the last time. Maybe he won’t kill you. Hopefully, he won’t critically/permanently injure you. However, you can count on him hurting you worse than the last time, and the last time was pretty bad, wasn’t it? He will destroy your things, and he won’t care that your kids are around to see the violence and hear the vile and hateful words he will spew at you.
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Please, I beg you, consider my words carefully. Your situation is not any different than the countless others who gave an abuser "one more chance" only to realize it was the biggest mistake of their lives. No amount of "help" he can give you will be worth it. Some women are not here now to tell their story. Don't let yourself become a statistic.