Wishes and Regrets, But There is Hope
Sometimes I look back on my life with a twinge of sadness because of all that I have taken for granted; all that I’ve had and never appreciated. I let opportunities slide by because I was too wrapped up in doing my own thing to recognize a good thing when I had it in my grasp.
Age does funny things to a person. I now see things so differently than I did as a youth, and I’ve begun to wish that I had seen clearly way back when. I wish I’d known what a special person my Dad is when I was growing up. I wish I’d realized what an enormous and awesome responsibility it was for him to be the sole provider for five children and a wife. Had I known about his choleric temperament, then perhaps I would have realized that he was showing us how much he loved us by working the graveyard shift in a hot factory, then coming home and keeping up at least one other business, and sometimes one or two other money making ventures, as well. I wish I had appreciated his faith, his perseverance, his wishes for his children to serve the Lord, instead of being resentful that he took me to church twice on Sunday, on Wednesday night, and every night of revival. In order to get our allowance, we had to memorize a Bible verse. I wish I’d tried harder to memorize more, to get it deep into my heart and soul. I wish I knew the scripture like he does.
I’ve never known my parents to lie, cheat, or steal. Never, ever! I can look anyone in the eye and tell them the persons they see at church, in public, or anywhere else are the very same people they would see if they spied on them at home. I am blessed beyond measure, and I’ve always had this special blessing in my parents, but I wasted many years not appreciating it. It’s one of my regrets.
My mother is one of a kind. I wish I’d realized what depth the woman has when I was living at home, and even when I finally moved out after graduating college. What a help she has been to me over the years. She is so selfless and giving. Had I followed her guidance instead of rebelling, I would have saved myself a world of heartache. She is the best example I could ever give of what a true Christian woman should be; and the fact that she would vehemently deny that statement only proves it more. She is fiercely loyal to her God and to her family. She is the one person that I trust more than anyone else in this old world. (Though I must say that I also fully trust my dad.)
I wish I had appreciated my brothers and sisters more…though some of them were hard to appreciate!! But I wish I’d tried harder to be a better sibling to them all. I still lack in that department. I have the two most wonderful sisters anyone could ever ask for, but I don’t always appreciate them like I should. I wish I were closer to my brothers, but life often gets in the way. Perhaps one day. I am blessed that they are all in my life.
I wish my daughter had as good a mother as I have, and I regret that I have not been able to be a better parent. I love her so much more than I can express.
Above all…I wish I’d served my Lord and Savior from my childhood. This is my greatest regret. I wish I had not turned my back on Him for those many years. How I wish I were able to, on Judgment Day, stand before His throne and say, “Lord, I’ve served you since my youth. I have loved You always.” I made a promise to Him yesterday that I would live the rest of my days walking closer to Him. I intend to keep that promise.