Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Woe Is Me

Have you missed me?

If I’d tried to write anything over the past few weeks, it really would have been a “woe is me” entry.  There’s only so much whining even the most loyal of readers/friends can take.  So, I kept quiet.  Today, you are not so lucky.

I have slipped back into The Pit.   You know the one…it full of hopelessness and discouragement, where there’s enough self-pity to wallow in…yeah, that’s where I am.   I don’t intend to stay here, but lately that’s where I’ve been.   It’s this weight issue that has yet again brought me down, but when this area of my life is so out of control, I find I am not happy with anybody or anything.   

When I read over the years of my blogging/journaling, each year says the same thing.   It’s a vicious cycle of small victories completely overtaken and surpassed by huge failures.  The brutal truth. 

Over the last few weeks I have tried to fight depression, but often, I just gave in to it.  I don’t understand.   Any of you who have ever been in this pit, you know what I’m saying.   If you’ve never been in a place where everything you don’t want to be is exactly what you are, you are blessed.
This is a poem I wrote some time ago.   My brother-in-law put music to it.   I think I will work on getting a video together and post it in the next few days.  Here are the words…kinda fitting for a day like today.

The Pit
Fighting myself and the devil,
I feel isolated and alone
I’d stand if I were able,
But I know I’d stand alone
No matter my resolutions,
My choices are always wrong
The pit I’ve dug myself,
Has begun to feel like home
It’s hard to stay above this hole,
It’s deep and dark and calling
Slipping, sliding, sinking fast,
Headfirst in I’m falling

Take me, change me
From the inside out
Shake me, break me
Turn me about
Wash me, purge me
Cleanse me from within
And free my life
From these clutches of sin

Who has the bigger hold,
It’s hard for me to say
Is it me or the devil,
Who’s really standing in my way?
I need a clearer view
Of my life and where I stand.
Do I belong to You, Lord?
Please Jesus, take my hand.
Lift me from this pit,
This pit I alone have dug
With Your help I’ll stand, my Lord,
But I know I won’t stand alone.

Take me, change me
From the inside out
Shake me, break me
Turn me about
Wash me, purge me
Cleanse me from within
And free my life
From these clutches of sin


I’m going to reach out and grasp Grace today, and cling to it with all my might.  (See yesterday’s entry) There is…there sure must be…an answer for those of us in the pit.   I am going to start searching for the very face of Jesus Christ, to look into His eyes and find the love I need to overcome this very huge, degrading, painful, monstrosity that has done all in its power to ruin my life.  Enough really is enough, don’t you think?



4 comments:

  1. Its a beautiful poem, I await to see it to completion with music as a song. I hear you girl; I may not struggle with the weight, but I struggle with the anxiety and fear and worry and I need to get out of that pit myself. I need to take your advice and focus more on Jesus and less of me. (the weight is an issue but not my main issue :)

    betty

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  3. Bless your heart.

    I am so sorry you are going through such a trial. It's times like these I so desire to have words of profound wisdom to share. I don't. However, I do have my prayers and tonight they are yours. May the God of peace pour over you and hold you in His loving arms. I pray comfort and joy will shine on you; a joy that could not possibly come from any where else.

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