If I can taste your cologne as you walk by, you are wearing too much! If I walk into a room and know you’ve been there…I am sure you are not achieving the purpose you intended! Do you realize you are giving people headaches?
Dear “Dad” in Mexican Restaurant:
Maybe you don’t know how far your voice carries. You gossiped loudly. You harassed your toddler with a steady stream of harsh chastisements and threats of being spanked. When your food arrived, you prayed loudly, right after fiercely slandering some young man behind his back. I just have no more words about this…
Every time I visit your church, which is not a large church, throughout the whole service, people are running back and forth to…somewhere. Constantly. Every. Time. There are more adults than children who can’t seem to stay in their seats. This is not normal behavior, and for a visitor (or anyone), it’s very disruptive. I’m guessing it disturbs your preacher, as well.
I knew it was you before you left the restroom because you didn’t wash your hands. Yeah, people really do remember that about you.
Dear Other Coworker:
The co-worker who didn’t wash her hands after using the toilet just handled that door knob. Don’t roll your eyes at me because I won’t touch the knob with my newly washed, bare hand. You shouldn’t either.
You sure made my nice, long weekend end on a high note. A shrill note, that is. Don’t ever, ever dangle that close to me again…well, of course you won’t, you’re dead. We’ll just let that serve as a warning to all future spiders who are brave enough to venture into my house and dare to let me see them. (I’m aware of the irony of this coming from “The Brown Recluse.”)
I’d like to know that you could write a short paragraph with complete sentences and proper punctuation. I feel the ability to do so is a good indication of your overall intelligence.